Resolutions and Forgiveness

I'm not really a fan of new years resolutions. Firstly because I like to think every day can be day zero, a chance to change and reinvent, and secondly because they're usually just a list of our own perceived failings that is so impossibly long that we are doomed from the moment we set pen to paper.

That being said, I took some stock this year and found it surprisingly insightful, here it is.

This is the bullseye. I've done it a bunch of times, and it's super easy (but as with all this stuff, potentially anxiety-inducing). Pick four "life areas", one for each quadrant. The centre is where you want to be, the  "X" is where you feel you currently are. Always forgive yourself as you go. This is an activity in observation, not self-flagellation.

For mine,

Relationships: 8/10 inappropriate PDAs
Started the year in an unhealthy relationship, ended in a health one, mended a bunch of things, learned a lot about myself and how to find balance between self-respect and generosity. Considering investing in squeaky shoes so I can be more forgiving in 2016.

Work: 7/10 pomodoros
Lots of stuff happened this year. Created an international advocacy campaign for less than $100. Started a podcast. Found many more people to share my work with. Really honed down on the growth mindset (the attitude that my abilities aren't static, but can grow) which allowed me much more freedom to experiment and fail (which happened a bunch). Collaborated. Made stuff that made me feel stuff. Still a long way to go, but that's starting to excite me rather than terrify me.

Leisure: 4/10 hours spent in phone time-warp
I really need to work on this. I am aware that this is a problem, so I'm going to give myself some kudos for that. Have done a lot of management on the phone / social media sinkhole front, now need to work on scheduling more time to relax / take a break.

Health: 8/10 of those horrifying star jump things
Ate a lot better. Put my physical health first as a way of putting my mental health first. Got excited about going to bed early. Spent a lot of time and energy on my mental health. Completed a year-long intensive psychotherapy program. Stopped wanting to die. Now next on the agenda is to get better at moving my limbs around regularly, but I'd say 2/3 is pretty damn good. 

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The other thing I've done this year, which I've taken from Gretchen Rubin, is to choose a word for the year. Less didactic than resolutions, and much more memorable and therefore achievable.

My word for 2016 is commit. I tend to run around trying to do a millions things at once, largely because, I am terrified of committing to things, usually myself, and definitely my passions. So this year is about committing to those projects, and seeing them through. But committing is also about saying no, about being mindful of what I'm being asked, and taking the time to assess whether whatever it is is good for me. Stop doing projects I don't care about. Be more of a person of my word. 

If the feeling is ripe, tell me about your year, I'd love to hear about it! x

(My brother from the same brother wrote a beautiful response to this, find it here)